Three years ago I got a smartphone. It was amazing. It did everything for me! I used it to schedule my meetings, track my calories, email colleagues, photograph my surroundings, and a million other useful and important things. I pulled that little thing out of my pocket constantly. It quickly became second nature for me to reach for my phone...even if there was nothing for me to do on it. It felt foreign for me to not have it in my hand, so I'd keep it in my grip as much as possible. If I was grabbing coffee with a buddy, I'd lunge for it the minute they left the table for a bathroom break. If I was walking down the street, I'd pull it out and flick through my home screens or try to read a quick news article. Instead of gazing into my wife's beautiful eyes over a nice dinner, I was gazing into the sterile glow of my screen, answering texts and allowing what should have been deep and life-giving conversation to be interrupted by people who weren't even at the table with us. Instead of playing with my daughter at the park I was busy trying to capture the perfect picture of her, find the right Instagram filter, and come up with some witty caption to post to my social networks. In short, I had become so connected to the “alternate world” found within my phone that I was disconnected from the real world in which I lived.

What was supposed to enhance my life, was actually ruining it. I had allowed that hunk of plastic to constantly vie for my attention. I was always anxiously waiting and wondering when the next notification would come in. If I didn't hear any notifications for a while, I'd turn on my screen and check anyway. I felt restless and distracted; overstimulated and over-connected. Downtime disappeared. There were no moments to decompress, no time to think, no minutes to reflect on the events of my day. Each spare moment was filled with news articles, emails, photos, and texts. It wasn't until my wife and I were switching cell phone companies and had to go without our phones for a week that I realized how anxious my phone had made me, and how happy I was to be without it!

So after much prayer and consideration, I decided to disconnect. I sold my smartphone, got a cheap dumb phone and decided to only occasionally carry my small tablet to work meetings so I can take notes or schedule appointments. In the process of disconnecting, I figured I might as well delete my Facebook too. I hated Facebook anyway. I mean, who cares what your old High School friends are eating for lunch? Your half-eaten plate of food is gross anyway! If there are important people in my life, I'm sure we'll stay in touch. Heck, we might even actually call each other and have a real conversation since I won't be catching every unimportant detail of their life in my news feed. So I deleted my personal Facebook account and  haven't regretted it once. 

The smart phone was a little harder to let go of than my Facebook. The first few days without it were rough. I missed my constant companion and kept reaching into my pocket only to be let down. Soon, though, the letdown turned into a sense of freedom. Life became more enjoyable. It was the little things, like being aware of the beauty in nature while walking down the street (I was actually looking up for once, not down at my feet!). I didn’t feel the pressure and anxiousness of wondering when my next alert would come in. It was so relieving to know that my emails were locked in their “cage” (on my PC) and couldn’t come growling at me whenever they pleased…indeed, I had the power to access them when I was ready. I've been able to do some serious thinking and planning for the different ministries God has entrusted me with. I'm able to reflect on the events of my day, and my interactions with people. My wife and I are having more fulfilling conversations because my attention is no longer divided. I am enjoying time with my sweet daughter because I have no "intruding adults" trying to get my attention while I am with her. Besides the emotional / spiritual health and freedom that I've found, I recovered all sorts of time to do productive things around the house and even take a second job to make some extra income!

Yes, life is good without my smartphone and Facebook. Better than it's ever been. After three years in the alternate universe of the internet, it's good to be back in the real world. I look forward to whatever lies ahead.  

I could be dead tomorrow. I know that sounds unnecessarily morbid, but lately I’ve been realizing just how true it is. Our lives are so incredibly fragile; our health is so unbelievably delicate. 

A few months ago my wife started experiencing a dull pain in her upper abdomen. Over the course of a few weeks the pain progressed in severity, longevity, and frequency. Soon it was so intense that after every meal she was curled up on the couch in extreme pain that lasted between two to four hours; and this happened several times each day! After two absolutely awful days we took her to the emergency room where (after waiting for four hours) they ran a gamut of tests (all deciphering absolutely nothing) and sent us home. My wife toughed out the next few days and slowly her stomach returned back to its normal digestive habits. And though her stomach is now pretty much back to normal, I am not. Ever since that month, I have been overly aware (and honestly afraid) of any and every health problem that arises in her, because I have seen how quickly things can go badly and how little I can do to solve them. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, that month was as traumatizing for me as it was for Liliya because it stripped me of all my false sense of security that life and health are always going to be there and that things are always going to be happy and bright. The reality is, things can drastically change in an instant. Our bodies can give up and shut down in any millions of ways. A stroke or an infection might significantly alter the way that you or your spouse experience life. A heart attack or cancer might end it altogether. 

That month I experienced a wake-up call.

All these years I had been taking health for granted and now the Lord has shown me that each day of health and life is a gift. It doesn’t have to always be there. Indeed, it might be removed at any instant. 

Some might think that this is an awful way to live (with a constant awareness of our mortality and frailty), and in a sense they are right: it's not fun to always be thinking about how quickly I, my wife, or my daughter might be dead. But in another sense, it is amazingly freeing to be cuttingly aware of our mortality. It helps us realize that we are completely reliant on our Heavenly Father for our existence. It helps us realize that we are truly living on borrowed time...that each second and each breath is a gift from God. It helps us to be thankful for what time and health we have.  It helps us to prioritize what is important and what in our lives needs to be reconsidered. As we stare our mortality in the eyes we are able to live wisely and rightly. I am thankful for the gift of our delicate lives and for the reminder He recently gave me of their frailty. I know I’m probably still a little too anxious about all of the health stuff, and I am working on trusting a sovereign and loving God with my life and the lives of my wife and daughter. Yet at the same time, I don’t want to lose this awareness of life’s fragility. I want to stare my mortality in the face so that I might live well and honor God. Lord help me do it! 

Psalm 90:12  Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. 

The other day while driving the 156 I saw a man trudging along the shoulder of that narrow two-lane highway lugging on his back nothing other than a large, wooden cross. The bottom of the beam scraped the ground with each step as he slowly lunged down the long, lonely road to wherever he was headed...probably nowhere in particular. "How interesting," I thought to myself, "He's taking Jesus' command to daily carry your cross literally." As I drove passed him I was both inspired and troubled. What he was doing was pretty cool, but it was obvious that the man was confused about what it means to be a Christian. But as I got further along into my drive I started to realize that he wasn't the only one confused about what it means to be a Christian. The truth is, most people today are confused about what it means to be a Christian. The very term "Christian" has nearly entirely lost its meaning here in the United States. It's a title thrown around lightly, taken up by almost anyone and everyone.  "Are you a Christian?"...."Ya, of course I'm a Christian." Why? Because you're not Muslim or Mormon or Jewish or Atheist? Because you live a "good life" and you don’t drink or chew or go with girls that do? Because you go to church a couple times a year...maybe even every week? What is it that makes you a Christian? Being a Christian is not just some default state of being. You’re not a Christian because you’re American. You’re not a Christian because you aren’t Muslim. You’re a Christian because you are Christ follower.  At some point in your life you made a serious, life-altering decision to follow after Jesus the Messiah and trust in His sacrifice for your sins. Now you have a living relationship with Him and He guides you by His Word and His Spirit. Now at the beginning of each day you take up your cross, die to yourself and your desires and follow Him wherever He leads you. If those things aren’t true of you...namely, if you’re not dying to yourself and following Jesus... then you are not a Christian. You are not a Christ follower. We should start asking people, “Are you a Christ-follower? Do you follow the teachings of Jesus, trusting in His sacrifice for you? Do you die daily to yourself and your desires and walk, with your rugged cross on your back, in the footsteps of your Savior? Are you a Cross Walker?” That’s what we should start calling ourselves: Cross Walkers. I realize it’s just semantics, but sometimes new words help us understand what we’re really talking about. Let’s not just be “christians”, let’s be Cross Walkers.

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. - Luke 9:23 

We are in a season of suffering. It seems to be everywhere I look. Friends, family, church members and others are all going through an intense difficulty or trial of some sort, and it all seems to be occurring during this specific window of time. Liliya and I are definitely not exempt. My poor wife has been suffering from extreme abdominal pain for the last four weeks. We’ve been to several doctors who have been of no help. On top of that there have been some very difficult circumstances at my place of work, plus a teething ten month old! What is going on, God?! It makes me mad. It makes me doubt. There are often times when I wonder why God doesn’t break out of heaven and do something! “If you’re there, and you’re good, and you care, why are you just leaving us here in our pain?!” But sometimes, in the midst of my anger and doubt, I have moments of clarity and understanding. During those times I realize that God is bringing this suffering and pain so that He can give me more of Himself...so that I can cling more tightly to Him. In a sense, it is because He is good and because He loves us that He is allowing us to suffer, because in suffering we grab hold tight to the only thing that matters: Him. God is getting our attention, and attention to God is what we need.

C.S. Lewis famously stated that “pain is God’s megaphone.” Lewis couldn’t be more right. It is in our moments of distress that we cry out to God, seek God, need God. He uses suffering to rip our eyes and hands off the things of this world and fix them on the the only thing that lasts for eternity: Himself! He uses pain and suffering to give us the only thing we need. Wow! I should be thankful for suffering! It is, in fact, God’s mercy that He allows me to suffer, if suffering draws me to Him, since knowing Him means Eternal Life. No wonder then, why James 1:2 says, “Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds...”, and why the Apostle Paul says that “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” If suffering and pain is the means that God uses to make me cling to Him in wholehearted trust and faith, thus securing my eternal home in Heaven, then bring on the suffering! I'll gladly take a few years of pain to inherit an eternity of glory! Let me rejoice in my sufferings for they lead to my salvation!

But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. - 1 Peter 4:13 

What if I told you God wrote a book? The invisible, unknowable force that put every star in its place, that knows all mysteries, that directs human history, and that is holding the fabric of existence together, decides to put letters and words on a page that you and I could read and understand. Letters and words that reveal his mind, his character, his purpose, our origins, our ends...everything we could ever want to know about everything! What a magnificent book! What a treasure to have! A gift above all gifts! To know the mind and mysteries of God! How often would you read a book like that? With what sort of intensity would you study a book like that?

Unfortunately, for me, the answer is: not often enough, and not intensely enough. I find this to be typical of the human experience...many of us are just not attracted to, drawn toward the word of God with the type of interest and zeal we should have toward a book of such immensity! When my students read through my lesson outlines, I often notice that they like to read the paragraphs that I write about a given topic, but they quickly breeze over the Bible verses from which I drew my conclusions. The same goes for me when I read a Christian book. I love to read, investigate, and consider the point that an author is trying to make, but when he inserts a Bible verse pertaining to his point, I skim over it quickly or forgo it altogether! Shouldn’t it be the other way around?! Shouldn’t I be obsessive about my investigation of the words of God, and dismissive of all other penmanship?! Shouldn’t I pour over the words of the Creator of the universe...studying His words with intensity and fervor, trying to suck every ounce of marrow that I can from each precious morsel?! Why is it that we don’t love the words of God with passionate, burning, magnetic love? Why don’t they pull us in the way that they should? Why is it that we spend lots of time reading the latest magazines, newspaper, and internet articles about our hobbies and interests, and yet can’t find time for serious study of the words of God Almighty, “the revealer of secrets, of mysteries unknown”?

When we consider how much time we waste reading and thinking about frivolous things, it is pertinent to remember that in the end, only God (and by extension, His Word) will remain. Everything that we think is so important will literally be burned by fire... “The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.” (2 Peter 3:10). Everything that we obsess about: celebrities, movies, recipes, home decorating, cars, toys, vacations, electronics...none of it will matter in the end. Only one thing will remain: God. Shouldn’t we spend time getting to know the Only Thing that we get to keep? I confess that I need to spend less time reading and thinking about things that don’t matter. I want to know the Unknowable. I want to know the God who has revealed Himself in a book. I better get reading!

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. - Isaiah 40:8